I sit here at 10:45pm on NYE typing with one hand while I play dog toy tug of war with the other hand. And I couldn’t be more content (unless Dan was here with me of course). I remember how lame I felt on NYE in 1999 when I was 17 and I was the chaperone at home while my little sister had a party and parents went out. I was “lame” from the get go. I’ve never loved parties, and I wonder if that’s partially because I didn’t go to many in my formative years. I thought this made me ugly and unwanted and less. but the truth is when I was in my own personal era of attending parties (and throwing a few), they were rarely enjoyable in the way I saw other people apparently enjoying them. I then thought this made me damaged and ugly and less. So I pushed myself a few times. Turns out I like to “party” in these situations – with Dan (most of my drunk, happy, party memories involve Dan. This includes and impromptu bar hop we did in Aukland 2 years into dating and exactly 3 months before we were married, that turned into a drunken bar hop with 2 am pizza and hotel antics), with my best friend Melanie, with a small group of people that includes either Dan or Melanie and at weddings. At weddings I seem to pull out all the stops. what can I say? I love Love – I love to dance the night away drunk on champagne toasting a happy couple until they drag me out the door. Other than that I rarely enjoy the party occasions. Thats why I love working on holidays. I have a purpose, I’m around other people, making them happy but without having to put myself in a vulnerable position. Sometimes I really envy partiers, people able to let loose on the regular. But I don’t think that envy did anything for anyone. So for the last few years I’ve just followed what makes me happy, which apparently is sweat, sweatpants and sleep.
Which brings us to tonight. I’m definitely ringing in the New Year, I’ve been looking forward to a fresh start for at least 6 months. But I elected to stay home in my yoga pants and leg warmers playing an epic game of fetch and watching a Netflix marathon instead of hanging with friends, partying on the strip, picking up a go go gig or going to Bruno Mars (though Bruno Mars was in the running until I figured I could choose between tickets or buying the next year of contact lenses I need). and my original plan was to run a 5k at 10pm and a 5k at 12am…but now that Ive heard a mini rumpus outside I think I’ll pass on that. Plus I think I’ll toast for 5 minutes, welcome the new year with a few rituals…and go to bed. I want to hit a hot yoga class in the morning.
So what am I doing? I’ve been burning incense all night but I bought a brand new package of incense and I’ll open burn that at midnight. I’ll hold my puppy to countdown while we watch the ball drop (on line). and I’m going to write my resolutions on her now.
- my word for the year is Natural – as in you make me feel like a __ woman. I want to grow out my hair, my natural hair colour. I want to transition my soaps to natural versions – Dr. Bonners for most thing and coconut oil to remove make up.
- Vegan. I have been mostly vegan for a long time. But for the past three years I have tried different things due to health complications but I always come back to vegan because ethically its the only thing that feels right to me. but sometimes I’m not fully committed. I’ll have a bite of marshmallow or cookie or cake or I won’t ask if the dressing on a salad has dairy because I don’t want to be a pain or I really like honey mustard and I’m not having that much… Not anymore. I’m vegan, I check the ingredients and ideally don’t eat many things with a list of ingredients.
- Yoga. as much as I can. I feel it changing me already.
- allow myself to be Successful in whatever I’m doing – cosmetology school, performing, yoga
Thats it. I want to be happy. Tonight I am 🙂 I’m here ready to roll. There should be more dancing around in my underwear and singing at the top of my lungs. Cheers y’all