…but not yet. Wow, I haven’t been this busy in a really long time. The days are kicking my ass but they’re good. I went straight from school/rehearsals to working a special event for Paul Mitchell. I’m so stoked and honoured! But I am tired. And I haven’t worked out in exactly a week which is like a year in Crista-land. Although putting that in writing makes me feel not so bad. One week of no formal workouts is not a big deal.
I hate keto. Hate it. I love not being depressed and I love my stomach not feeling great. I hate being the same weight as my highest weight. I hate eating things I disagree with morally to wake up the same weight I was before (Sounds shallow, but I’m being honest). I haven’t lost so much as an ounce and my eating is super limiting. two weeks of keto and not a half a pound down? No thank you. I abhor not being vegan. I choke down meat and cheese. And. My. pants. Still. Don’t. Fit. See, super annoying.
So fuck it, I’m vegan. I just can’t. I’ve hated my body and you know what, if this is where it’s at fine, I call off the hate. But I won’t eat animal products either. In fact I can’t exactly figure out what to do. But eat vegan and only what I like and really really want. Which means today was – coffee + cherry tomatoes for breakfast; romaine lettuce + asparagus for lunch + a small melon plate; coffee with soy milk for snack; veggie sushi + goji berries + a lenny and larrys vegan protein cookie for dinner. Then wine and another whole protein cookie for dessert. Not too shabby. whatever, if I’m at my highest weight no matter what I might as well eat what I want (veggie sushi and vegan protein cookies). when will this level out? when will i drop the injury/stress/overdieting pounds I put on since December? UUUUGHHHH. But you know, perhaps this is a lesson for me. There’s only so much I’m willing to do right now. I think maybe all I can do is get through this week (another super long one, no days off, all nearly 12 hour days. some more than that)and then, in September, I’ll level off. I’m moving to part time night school, I”m working as a singing gondolier in a set schedule, I’ll start half marathon training. All will be well. but for now – more water and more vegan protein cookies so I can stop drinking diet coke when I crave sugar. Bleck!