The Honest Truth and Perhaps PMS…

My life is freaking amazing. I have a partner I love more than anything, I’m mobile, busy, happy, active, surrounded by family. I’m enjoying nature, I’m laughing. I feel really lucky on a daily basis. It’s not lost on me how charmed a life I lead. Some days I’m just overwhelmed by how surrounded by love I am, how much the puzzle pieces seem to fit together.

But there are some days, I want to stay in bed and cry my eyes out. I miss Dan. I miss not hating my body (we had a good run there for a while and now I just…I don’t want to put it into words. I’m just so uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do but try to distract myself). I’m surrounded by people I love but don’t know very well anymore – my family. This is a really good thing. But I think I may be drowning my hours of smiling and being thankful in chocolate some nights, hence my lackluster body composition. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen Dan. I want to lay in bed and cry on this rainy day. It’s been two months since I put on a pair of jeans and felt pretty. I want to run for hours until I get that feeling back. I’m going to do neither. And that is my amazing feat for the day.

And maybe I’ll stay away from the chocolate, now that I’ve kicked the diet coke (my name is Crista Leopardi and I’ve been diet coke free for 5 days, two hours and fifteen minutes…), again. By next week, perhaps I’ll feel good in my clothes again. Perhaps. And when I get to skype Dan perhaps I’ll feel more like myself again.

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About Coco

Dancer, performer, cosmetologist and now first time mum. I spent my life traveling the world as a performer. Now, the next chapter is unfolding...

Posted on December 20, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You are not alone. Repeat, you are not alone. Pain and fear are real. They are feelings and they will pass.

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