I’m officially a quitter.  As of 20 minutes ago I decided to give up my leangains experiement.  I feel a little bad.  I really liked reading about the pros of the “lifestyle”, I really believe it works and is healthy.  And I know I only gave it a 2 week go.  But I’m STARVING.  I’m cranky.  My energy is so low I feel like I’m trying to move through molasses.  I started this because I thought it would give me boundless energy, the ability to look ripped with minimal gym time (ie. more time to do important things).  But I’m hungry, I’m having trouble sleeping, then when i’m up for the day I’m having trouble not crawling back into bed.

Today I didn’t really.  I’ve been hungry all day. I didn’t get out of bed until 11.  I napped from 4-6.  I ate during my 8 hour window and never got rid of the burning hunger feeling in my stomach.  So I decided to eat a giant bowl of oatmeal.  I’m not waiting it out.  I have low bodyfat already. What I don’t have is energy.

So, I don’t know why I messed with a good thing but I’m going back to what works for me.  Clean eating with a cheat day on Sunday.  Running, abs, weight training – I will keep the weight training for now, I think it’s doing good things for me. 1-2 rest days a week.  I like that since I went to China I don’t really eat grains except for oats.  I like that I rely on fruit and beans for my carbohydrates.  I want more energy. Even with a clean diet I seem to struggle a lot with sustained energy and I just don’t know what to do about it.  Help? I’m reading “Slow-burn” by Stu Mittleman and he suggests switching to fat burning mode by eliminating sugar and mostly eating vegetables, oils, lots of water, fish and nuts will allow for endurance energy…

I also like fasted training 9 times out of 10 and was doing that before.  I like eating healthy.  I will probably also keep a modicum of the carb cycling.

I’m just so tired of thinking about it all the time. I’m tired of talking about it and writing about it.  When do I get to live and eat without worrying, or having all these restrictions? One of the best things about going to China was that I stopped doing all that for the first time in my life.  I still had my days I worried and felt “fat” but a few weeks into being there I stopped writing down everything I put in my mouth.  Then I stopped feeling like I had to adhere to a specific workout program.  I ate healthily, trained fasted, and ran 3 times a week if  I could.  I reckon I looked the best I’ve probably ever looked.  I’m tired of over controlling. I want to look perfect, I want to be perfect and my pursuit of that is STILL after all these years driving me nuts.

I may have just eaten 2 bowls of oatmeal and no nutritionist would advise that right before bed. But my stomach finally stopped burning.  Finally. Now when will my past eating disorder stop stirring me up?


About Coco

Dancer, performer, cosmetologist and now first time mum. I spent my life traveling the world as a performer. Now, the next chapter is unfolding...

Posted on July 27, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. i have to say i’m happy u are officially a quitter!! there is NO reason to go thru living life feeling like u’ve got this gaping chasm of hungry beast burning a hole in ur stomach. (enough adj’s, cait?! 😉 lol) i hope with oatmeal in belly and hungry beast tamed, going back to wat worked before gives u peace of mind…far more fun things to focus on in life…hello wedding!! 🙂 take care girl…and yea, ED thoughts aren’t worth diving back into. aaaaand…like i’ve said a bizzillion times, u’re perfection…inside and out, i mean can i please have ur six pack! 🙂

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