Rant

…want to know how it’s going? Well, I’m hungry, bloated, cranky, couldn’t sleep all night and got up at 7:30am to make myself brekkie because I was starving (2 whole eggs/1 white scrambled and some cauliflower).

This could just be my normal body doing it’s normal weird stuff. It could be because I ate fish yesterday or that I’ve had a LOT of fruit because I seem to be insatiably hungry so I keep eating fruit or cucumber or carrots in an attempt to eat somethings safe.  I don’t know. Already I hate having things I have to and can’t eat. I said I don’t like diets and this feels like one.  I eat less when I can have scrambled eggs and toast because I eat a bit of it and then I’m full. But to see if something works for more then just weight loss I have to give it time.  It’s hard to attempt to change the way you eat when you’re visiting , when you’re in between jobs and don’t own the refrigerator you’re putting stuff in, when you don’t have a set schedule, or control of your own transportation. But I think it’s worth sticking it out to see what happens. I took a nap after breakfast until 11am so I got a little bit of sleep. I haven’t worked out today and I’m pretty cranky and I’m starving. No matter that I had a huge salad with chicken and avocado for lunch and dates as a snack I’m still ravenous. And I’m worried about getting fat.  I know, I know, but in the effort of honesty that is what I’m worried about. I had been eating so much less it seems before and now all I can think about is food and my growling stomach…and that I can’t wait to work again. I’m stressing out over food and weight again which is not ideal, it’s several big steps backward.

The good news is I get to start dancing again tomorrow!!! I’m so excited! I’ll keep you posted…

As for workouts, yesterday instead of my regularly scheduled Visual Impact 2 Day Split workout I joined Dan’s mom at the gym for a circuit class followed by a body balance class (mostly a yoga class).  It felt good to be pushed in a class setting, to sweat and to feel sore the next day (today). I had a lot of fun and remembered how I used to enjoy working out, not just do it too keep in shape and feel some semblance of control.  I haven’t really given the Visual Impact program much of a shot yet as I’ve been fairly committed since Christmas but with some varying workouts while we were away and then yesterday’s workout.  I like the program but my friend John just turned me on to Bodyrock  OMG it’s amazing and the girls bodies are perfection in my recollection.  Soooo, since you already know I’m ADD when it comes to fitness, I’m going to still do Visual Impact workouts when it’s convenient for me and I feel like a traditional weights + cardio day, but I’m going to start Bodyrock too. They’re doing a 30 day workout a day program that you only need an interval timer for.  Plus since I’m going to be dancing a few hours a day I’m going to make my gym decisions on a day to day basis.  Bodyrock allows me flexibility and a short workout, Visual Impact is a longer workout but with weights, and Dan’s mom got me a 10 class pass to her gym.  I’m in workout heaven!  I just haven’t run in a while, it’s really hot right now and I haven’t been motivated. But I’m supposed to run the Nike+ half marathon on January 19th.  The last half marathon I ran, I finished and was fine. But I haven’t been training at all.  Since this one is a do anywhere one by myself, I don’t want to ditch on it  but I’m going to allow myself to walk run…just finish the 13+ miles and call it a win 🙂

Anybody have any advice or comments? I think I need some encouragement and inspiration. I’m feeling panicky and hungry and when I don’t have a defined program I feel a bit out of control. But I’m a little bored with the Visual Impact workouts in all honesty and I don’t have access to varying weights so I’ve been doing the equivalent with my resistance band.  And I hate eating meat and I’ve only been doing it a few days. I miss being a vegetarian and having simple guidelines I was comfortable with. I miss doing the warrior style diet where I eat only fruit and veg during the day and just eat till full at night. I find it nearly impossible to do this when visiting, people worry when you don’t want to eat breakfast and lunch and snacks and you feel weird and high maintenance and I sound like the anorexic I used to be constantly making excuses for why I can’t eat this or that or why I’m not hungry …I digress. And I’m not as fun to be around as I’d like to be.  AND I’m allergic to nuts.  High. Maintenance.

So, help me, tell me something comforting and positive, give me some advice about my workouts or my food, I need it..

I’m cheering myself with happy memories of the recent holiday time spent with my loves…

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About Coco

Dancer, performer, cosmetologist and now first time mum. I spent my life traveling the world as a performer. Now, the next chapter is unfolding...

Posted on January 3, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Hey, baby girl! Well, I can totally relate to the feeling of craziness when your life is in transition, and you don’t have anything to center you. This manifests itself in eating and exercise habits for me as well. I’ve been putting weight back on, recently (ew). I find that if I meditate in the morning, it helps to center me and keep the demon noises to a minimum throughout the day. I spend a few minutes focusing, mentally, on what I want my day to be. So maybe try that? Also, just remind yourself (daily affirmation?) that you are wonderful and beautiful, plus or minus that 5-10 pounds, and in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter that much 🙂 Oh, and that Birney Mae Smith thinks you are the hottest thing since 1940s pin-ups. Kisses, baby.

    • aw Birney BABY!! Thanks, you know I haven’t tried meditation before starting my day but today’s the day! Glad to know I’m not alone. I often gain and lose a few when I’m in transition… love me some Birney!

  2. Hey darling, try adding some good fats and a smidge of ‘bad fats’ when you are starving. Olive oil on a grain bread. Sometimes your body needs that fuel – and it gives supple skin and dazzling hair.

    • good idea! I’m not eating bread right now, trying to see if it’ll help my stomach and sleep issues, but I could add extra olive oil to my eggs or sweet potato maybe…

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