Phase 2 and Goal Weight

Recovery week officially ends and Phase 2 of P90X begins today.  I have to admit that my workout routine has not been the star of my show lately.  And in all honesty, that’s a huge change for me. Perhaps I’m starting to feel like (subconciously that is) that there actually are more important things in my life then presenting with flat abs and at the lowest weight obtainable??

This, I think, is a good thing.  Plus it means I’ve found a way to keep up with my program by fitiing it in to my life instead of the other way around.

I should say that I’m doing the program loosely.  I’m following it, but on recovery week I didn’t follow the schedule or even do one DVD.  I worked out every day according to what I wanted to do that didn’t involve weights.  I rested on Monday, Tuesday I ran 3 miles and did some crunches, Wednesday was 40 minutes on the elliptical, Thursday 40 minutes on the stationary bike and a 1 hour Vinyasa 1 class that rocked my world!  Friday I took a second rest day (I made balls afterwork and just sat around with Dan like a bump on a log)  Saturday I ran 2 miles in between sets and Sunday I did a Women’s Health workout  – I have an app on my ancient iTouch that has workouts from both Men and Women’s Health but I rarely use it.  I did admit to Dan last night that I’m afraid of gaining weight again.  Since my undocumented 2kg loss I think about if I’m gaining it back every time I eat.  That’s not good.

So it begs me answer the question that Shanti asked me after one of my last posts “How do you know when you’ve reached your ideal shape/weight? What is the goal to reach when you can say “tah-dah” I am happy with myself?” She posted it on my facebook after my running post and I was poised over my keyboard ready to fire something back and I realized I didn’t have an answer.  And that question needs an answer.  I was reading Runners World a last month and the article was talking about training plans and I wrote down a quote “Before lacing up for your run ask yourself ‘what is the purpose of this workout?’ If you can’t answer that question why bother doing the run?” Which is part of the reason I didn’t run for a while.  I couldn’t answer the question, except to say “to be thinner” and apparently that wasn’t motivation enough for me. But it’s the same with workouts.  Now the truth is that I rarely feel like doing my workout at work, or squeezing it into my day but on my days off I crave it.  Unless Dan is off too.  Like last night I was craving a long run and I knew I’d feel better about my body if I did it but I couldn’t, well, I didn’t drag myself away from him to do it.  And hence I had trouble relaxing enough to sleep last night.

So what is the body type, fitness level, weight I want to get to? What is my goal? I don’t know. I always thought I’d feel it when I got there and since I don’t feel it I haven’t gotten there. But over the past 5 years I have changed my body a lot, in several different ways and never did I feel like that was it. Last year around this time I decided I was too bulky from  P90X and protein shakes and wanted to streamline my body. Between then and now I have lost 6kg (13.2lbs), kept most of the tone in my muscles and abs and noticeably decreased the mass of my upper body.  Did I do what I set out to do? Yes.  Do I feel like I accomplished my goal?  No. I still feel like I look bulky and rest right on the edge of looking acceptable. I know my weight for my height is higher (still) then most of the people I work with. So what is my goal weight? I could rattle off a number that I want to get to but it gets lower the more weight I lose but doesn’t get higher when I gain weight.  The weight I’m at now was my goal weight until I found out how much a few other people (including my boyfriend) weigh. Now my goal is much lower.  But it’s a loose goal.  I don’t know that I can healthfully get that low and so what then? I also know that even when I was anorexic sick and dying, loosing my hair and bruising when I sat down I “felt” fat. I felt uncomfortably large in my thighs and around my stomach, I was aware of feeling bloated and chubby and “not quite there yet”.  And I was 37kg (81.4lbs).  Yes it was a long time ago, a long long time ago. And can you believe I felt guilty that some girls who were sick had the “willpower” to be lighter then that?  I’m glad those days are over. But even at that obviously childlike weight I felt heavy and not quite thin enough.  When reflecting on that I realize that my sensor for “feeling it” cannot be trusted.  That’s okay, “know thyself” is an important aspect of being an adult.  It’s okay that my feelings are skewed I just have to be responsible enough not to use them to make important life decisions.

So, all of that said, after I thought about Shanti’s question I came up with this – since I am at a healthy weight for my height and a good clothing size for my body type I decided that I am at goal!  Yay me! I reached my goal weight/shape/size!  And while in my head I want to get lower, I’m going to change my head, my mind, by just deciding.  If I hover around this weight easily without deprivation or panicking if I miss a workout, this IS my goal, and I will act as such until my feelings catch up with that decision.

Sooooo YAY!! Here I am, at my ideal, looking great and making this my maintenance.  That means I get to workout for fitness and eat to maintain my healthy, happy, body composition.  I know I can get jobs looking like this, I know my boyfriend loves me and I know I can fit in cute clothes and look great in them too.  That should be enough.  If I want to brush up my abs, that’s a minor endeavor, or tone up my arms or start training for distance… those are all fitness endeavors.  But I’m at my goal weight/shape.  Woo ha!

SO I guess to answer the question, I just decided what it was as I realized I’d never feel like I had achieved it.  I looked at my history and decided.

Now, I’ve been attempting to keep drumming that into my head since I decided on it.  When I feel chubby or I wonder whether I should “eat that or will it keep me from losing weight?” I think “um, wait! I’m AT my goal weight! ” Any tips or advice?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My celebratory “goal weight/shape” dinner last night 🙂  Yes, that is a glass of red wine with breakfast eggs and toast for dinner.  I’m crazy like that….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mmmmmmmmm delicious (except how did I get a smear of strawberry jam on my toast? wierd. Perhaps they stole it from someone else’s plate first he he he)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a manbeast hiding behind my wine!!

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About evafitness

I fell into fit-love like falling into a well! I started this blog because I realized how much of my day I spent working out, trying new physical activities, reading fitness blogs and the like. Now I'll share my questions, findings and general fitness environment with y'all!!

Posted on September 12, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Hooray for allowing yourself to be successful! Its hard to switch the brain from losing weight to maintaining weight. My advice is to be mindful of what it takes to fuel your body. Re-focus the voices in your head to “smile more, be a better partner, coworker, friend” instead of the negative body talk.
    Won’t happen over night. But it will happen, and you can still obsess about working out 😉
    Very proud of your hard work and struggles.

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