Looking for Beauty

I have to say that throughout my life I’ve had a quest for two things and I carry out this quest on the day to day basis with intensity. Sometimes I doubt myself and my intense nature. Like, life is supposed to be carefree and flow and be filled with things like good times hanging out with friends, good food, good music. But life has never seemed to be about that to me. Every time I try to convince myself that that is what I aim for I know it’s a sham. And then I have to admit to myself that happiness is not my goal. That is not to say I don’t want to be happy. I do, really I do, and I am. But life to me has always been about experiencing, creating, encouraging two things – love and beauty. These are two very vast and general things, and that’s great because as my life progresses and evolves these two overarching themes stretch and expand and yet still encompass my goals and desires. My happiness comes out of my journey to experience and create beauty and love, and my revelations that come in chasing those two things.

In that vein, whenever I have downtime I am searching for things to study, to look at to renew my belief in the existence of the aforementioned and also to continuously evolve my understanding.

Today, as I am not sure what to work on exactly (and cannot gather my thoughts), I turn to my muses to focus me, to show me new angles, old ageless themes. I was listening to Annie Lennox sing “Into the West” from Lord of The Rings. I am always moved by that song, the clarity of her voice, the ache that I recognize deep inside me as if she sings from things she found inside my memories, my soul. So she is my muse today. I don’t actually know much about her so I Googled her. It’s amazing, there is so much information available at the touch of a few buttons! I am currently reading her official website. Um, she has a blog people!

Anyone who can have a 30+ year music career and still be going strong and sign to a new label and turn out new albums at the age of 55 has my attention. That is career longevity. That is a lifetime committed to art and a success at that. Check her out if your curious or just need some inspiration…

I’m happy to report that my migraine (I’ve named hid Ned) is not visiting me today. I wonder if overdosing on Panadol yesterday had something to do with that…

I’m trying to find the will to do a really sweaty workout tonight after work.  I’m actually exhausted and my lunch time workout consisted of 40 minutes on the elliptical.  While I may have cranked that baby up to 14 I didn’t break a sweat, I felt… nothing. I’m not sure what’s going on with my workouts. I feel fat and puffy and I’m still a kilo up from normal and I don’t know how to lose mass or burn more fat, or what to do from here. I don’t know what to do. But those races sure are coming up fast so I think I’ll try to at least crank out a 5k today. Tomorrow I’m working 9:30am – 8pm and so I see myself taking tomorrow as a second rest day (Monday was too). So tonight I must get my sweat on… Annie Lenox help me 😉


About Coco

Dancer, performer, cosmetologist and now first time mum. I spent my life traveling the world as a performer. Now, the next chapter is unfolding...

Posted on June 30, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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