Every Woman’s dream..
…more like nightmare! So today, I had the, apparently rare, privilege of seeing a few different views of my bum and thighs and to my horror I have acquired (not overnight I’m sure) cellulite! Now, ladies, I know I’m not the only to witness this but I have to admit to being turned off by the sight and then the thought. I eat mostly healthy and exercise and so usually feel like I should be exempt from such human conditions (and I’m daily surprised that I’m not 😉
So, I immediately start doing what I always do when less then stellar angles of myself are brought to my attention… I brain storm ways to annihilate the enemy taking over my ass. Or in other words, hitting Google hard. I know that cellulite is one of those things you can get rid of by cleaning up your lifestyle – water, veggies, workouts. I do that stuff but I’m not extreme. Anymore. And when I was extreme I was synthetic as in protein shake drinkin’ Tony Horton fan. I know I’ve heard that going mostly raw makes your body rid itself of cellulite (ie toxins!) So I was googling that and whatever came up on LIVESTRONG.
But the thing is, I’ve been focusing so hard lately on not being a messed up post ED person who weighs and measures myself constantly by the Hollywood yardstick. Tricky since I am in the Hollywood business (ish). I’ve been chilling with all that diet, over controlling shit. Perhaps this means I am not as beautiful as I could be if I became stringent again. Reading some of the other healthy living blogs I have become aware of just how vast is the amount of woman who have at some point been anorexic, bulemic, compulsive OE. It’s like, more people then the number of literate adults in the US (this is my own hyperbole and not an actual statistic). One of the main themes for recovery for a lot of these women, it seems, is to let themselves be. Eat what they want without judgement of too much, too little, high fat, trigger food and take the weight fluctuation that may come and just be with it. Let your body regulate and realize you are who you are through this process. I was encouraged recently by Lyn at The Actors Diet. Check out her site if you can. She’s an actual working actress and has worked through her own ED. Read her about page if you’re curious, she has some great tips and personal stories. One of the, if not the biggest excuse for performers with ED is that you HAVE to look “good” to get work. It causes a lot of guilt and comparisons, of course. All that to say that I wonder if I could do that, let myself take whatever comes with my body and just work on my skills and believe in myself as a performer.
It’s harder when I can actually see the cellulite on my butt. Sigh. I think for now I’ll stay the course and keep on training. I’ll try to focus on being the best person. And little by little I eat more raw vegetables and fruit, less sugar, more water, less coffee. Maybe eventually it’ll stop stressing me out and I’ll be the best I can be, look the best I can look, feel the best I can feel and then I can rest.
Tonight I had a photo shoot with the lovely Zurina who actually took the picture that is my header! We, along with the ever stunning Lena, managed to hook up both silks and lyra for the shoot. She’s amazing and I’m sure her pictures will be awesome cellulite and all. I’ll post them when she’s finished working her magic and we may even get a guest post from her so stay tuned! And check out her sight as well, it’s brilliant.
And now, I’ve been trying to add spirulina and my powdered greens to whatever I can. I’m trying to really push the nutrient levels of everything I eat (can I add spinach, chia or wheatgrass to that?) So last night for dinner Dan and I were going low key and I had these ingredients on hand. Not a very sexy dinner, but I think the nutrient level must have been pretty good 🙂 and it was tasty despite it’s baby-food look!