A Day Off =
Yesterday was my day off from work. I’ve been kind of a b-word lately. I’m stressed, I hate my job, I feel trapped. I haven’t performed in a show in ages and as much as I’ve been trying to distract myself with extra curricular activities (to further my career), it still culminates in feeling stagnant. There are so many things I have to be thankful for and I do know that and I am grateful (my health, my healthy paycheck (for the first time), my wonderful partner, the ability to have extra curricular activities. But I can’t deny or pretend that I’m not unhappy, that I’m not angry and frustrated every day that I have to work and even on my days off. While I’m all for blasting your life with hearts and rainbows and positive thoughts and intentions – it’s becoming progressively more work. I am not a person who waits for change, I create change and whatever I’m doing now is not working. So I need to do something else.
All of that to illustrate that I was in a bad mood. Dizzle and fought for the first time ever and I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m cranky and feeling creatively unfufilled. So when I woke up on Monday (my day off) post fight I was fighting a pretty dark mood. D is an amazing and patient man. He decided he was spending the whole day with me, happy or not. I had very little on the agenda (for once) except a gymnastics class that night. I just started that class and I feel like it helps me get better for auditions that will hopefully be in the future. However I decided to have a complete mental health day and canceled on the class… D and I stayed in bed until noon. He spent the whole day with me and just keeping me company waiting for me to open up about the cause of my mood and for it to pass. And it did 🙂
I didn’t make myself workout, I didn’t make myself eat (I wasn’t hungry all day), I didn’t make myself search for what would happen next or fix problems or talk through issues. This is a huge decision for me. I LOVE my schedule, my agenda, goals, time management. But I think this was just what the doctor ordered!
We started with coffee at Trattoria (and D had lunch but I wasn’t hungry), and chatted about whatever. Then D and I walked around trying to find the place where he had gotten his piercing so he could replace the bar. We walked and talked and I could feel that I couldn’t change everything today so I let it go. and it felt amazing. so amazing when we got to the shop (we found it!) I decided to get my belly button pierced lol!! Why not?! I asked D to pick out the bling and bada bing bada boom… I’m bejeweled! It put us in a silly mood and we hit up another coffee place (my third coffee of the day as I had made latte’s in bed for D and I as a sort of “sorry I was a bitch” offering) and decided to take a walk around the river. ANd then play darts! That’s right drinks and darts! D taught me how to play cricket and a few other dart variation games and I won 4 times out of 8!!! LOL!!!! he’s a master teacher. Then I was finally hungry so we walked to a little italian restaurant and I had the best goat cheese salad and pasta with tomato basil and vegetable sauce. DELICIOUS!
It was a perfect, perfect day. and I can’t help but be thankful for the ability to have a day like that and to be dating someone so understanding who loves me so much that he’ll spend the whole day doing next to nothing with me. I woke up today refreshed and ready for a morning workout and an afternoon shift at work.
And I will be changing my approach and some things that I’m working on. What is that famous quote? A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step? or something like that?
Enjoy your week and all the beautiful things in your life. And if you need confirmation that everyone has ups and downs, let me tell you, everyone does.