I took a nap, did laundry and then ran 6 miles today reaching a goal I had set for this week. Boom! and running helped me remember who I am and why I run, workout, live an active life.
I have my ups and downs. And no matter what I’m feeling, good bad or otherwise I keep moving. At the root of me I know who I am no matter how much I weigh. and through my years I have come to know and to prove to myself that though I may fear things, I will still be me no matter what my size. And I’ll still be worthwhile either way. I’m a good person, I’m an ambitious person. Warts and all by committing to my runs, by committing to my fitness I care for me, my body and mind wherever I happen to be at. That is where I find my freedom. That is where I fight my fear of abandonment. By running today I choose to care for myself. Because, friends, in the past I have been on the losing end of a toothbrush and a toilet bowl. I have struggled and I have found how to live, not just to survive but to thrive. and if I can, on a daily basis accept the fact that I have certain fears, certain weaknesses and yet still care for myself then I’ve won, I’ve beaten those fears, I’ve beaten my past, I’ve conquered abandonment (the big A). and I can move on from those things and in turn love other people not out of my need or my deficiency, but out of my abundance.
And so, as far as I can tell, my commitment to fitness, to wellness, to athletics will continue.
Next topic, something less deep and more superficial 😉