Things are feeling really good now. I’m about to be able to keep a somewhat stable schedule for a while. I’ve changed a lot of things. The first few months here in vegas have been trial and error. I just switched to night school which will take me longer to get through but my life will be a bit more manageable. I just started my job as a singing gondolier. I’ll only be working 2-3 days a week but that’s enough. And I just started running again. Found a running partner (by accident) who’s keen to run the Rock n Roll Marathon in 11 weeks. And I’ve never run a marathon and ran my one and only half marathon 6 years ago. However we did a trial long run today and i JUST did a cool 9 miler (20 minutes ago) fairly easily so I agreed to sign up. Whats the worst that can happen? I don’t finish? That’s not a terrible result. But I have long run buddy every weekend and a race to look forward to. And I’ve been taking some yoga and I’m kinda locked in to a saturday night aerial yoga class. My aerial fitness is ready to be used again. A break seems to be just what I needed. So there you have it thats all I’m going to focus on now – marathon training, aerial/yoga and school school school. Plus work and home life. So still busy but more diversely and my happiness has increased🙂 I’ll try to keep up with the training log here.
Ciao for now – I’m going to go shower and ice my hammies
…but not yet. Wow, I haven’t been this busy in a really long time. The days are kicking my ass but they’re good. I went straight from school/rehearsals to working a special event for Paul Mitchell. I’m so stoked and honoured! But I am tired. And I haven’t worked out in exactly a week which is like a year in Crista-land. Although putting that in writing makes me feel not so bad. One week of no formal workouts is not a big deal.
I hate keto. Hate it. I love not being depressed and I love my stomach not feeling great. I hate being the same weight as my highest weight. I hate eating things I disagree with morally to wake up the same weight I was before (Sounds shallow, but I’m being honest). I haven’t lost so much as an ounce and my eating is super limiting. two weeks of keto and not a half a pound down? No thank you. I abhor not being vegan. I choke down meat and cheese. And. My. pants. Still. Don’t. Fit. See, super annoying.
So fuck it, I’m vegan. I just can’t. I’ve hated my body and you know what, if this is where it’s at fine, I call off the hate. But I won’t eat animal products either. In fact I can’t exactly figure out what to do. But eat vegan and only what I like and really really want. Which means today was – coffee + cherry tomatoes for breakfast; romaine lettuce + asparagus for lunch + a small melon plate; coffee with soy milk for snack; veggie sushi + goji berries + a lenny and larrys vegan protein cookie for dinner. Then wine and another whole protein cookie for dessert. Not too shabby. whatever, if I’m at my highest weight no matter what I might as well eat what I want (veggie sushi and vegan protein cookies). when will this level out? when will i drop the injury/stress/overdieting pounds I put on since December? UUUUGHHHH. But you know, perhaps this is a lesson for me. There’s only so much I’m willing to do right now. I think maybe all I can do is get through this week (another super long one, no days off, all nearly 12 hour days. some more than that)and then, in September, I’ll level off. I’m moving to part time night school, I”m working as a singing gondolier in a set schedule, I’ll start half marathon training. All will be well. but for now – more water and more vegan protein cookies so I can stop drinking diet coke when I crave sugar. Bleck!
So, hows it going? Its been a week and I honestly have to say its going well AND I’m going to make a few tweaks. I’ve been SUUUUPER busy. As in get up at 7:30am, get to school by 9am get home at 5:30pm and head out to boat driving rehearsal at 10pm, get home by 3:30am….sleep a few hours and do it all over again. I’m tired and a little sore and a little surprised how hard it is to go to school all day (being on my feet) and then learn to steer a gondola (on my feet) at night. So, in light of that, I ran 3 days in a row – and it felt good- and I haven’t run since I’ve been doing school and rehearsals. But thats ok, I’m getting a good workout, I promise and as soon as double duty ends I’ll get back to it. Plus side, it’ll be a bit cooler too. Nevada summer is kicking my butt a little.
As for keto – its really working too. I always hate admitting it but my depression goes away nearly instantly and this time is exception. Within 24 hours of not eating sugar, fruit, grain or carbs over 50 grams for the day I found myself smiling, laughing, just full of joy and it hasn’t waned even though I’m super tired and stressed out. My gut feels better too. Here’s the tweak though, I’ve been researching a lot about vegan ketogenic eating and it is possible. So I picked up some supplies and you know what – there’s a lot out there. So while I’m not going to say I’m vegan right now as being ketogenic is the most important part of my diet at the moment, I’m going to head that direction. If I need to eat eggs I will or cheese or even a burger patty, right now, I will. But with the intention of eating as much vegan options as possible and learning how to eat vegan fat as my food sources ( sun butter, coconut oil/coconut, flax milk, 90%dark chocolate, avocado). Today I picked up a few things to help. My natural sun butter of course (I have to be careful with it because I can eat a whole jar in one sitting), Earth Balance “butter”, I found unsweetened flax milk to replace the heavy whipping cream in my coffee, Tofu dogs that have 0 carbohydrates! and some vegan cheese. My vegan boca burgers are low enough carb to eat for dinner as well with lettuce and my sugar free ketchup. I have a plantfusion brand protein powder that only has 4 carbohydrates in it and its made of pea protein. I think this could actually work!
Off to pass out…zzzzzzzz
Its been a hot little minute hasn’t it. I actually started a different blog…which i then dropped too. I needed a break. But now – I’m back! Why? I don’t know, I have almost no free time which actually makes me want to write more than when I have gads of free time. Weird I know. This used to document my fitness journey – and my life- and I’d like to continue that trend🙂 Things have changed so much! I’m married, I’ve traveled the world, Ive settled down in Las Vegas (well as settled down as I can be). And on top of that I’m in a weird spot with my fitness. I just turned 34 and while I’m happy, I have had a lot injuries this year and I’m unhappy with my body, my fitness level. I’ve bounced around from diet to diet from program to program never finishing any of them. Looking back over this blog was actually really nice and a little inspiring – see there was a time in my life when i could follow through with something. So, I’m at it again.
- I started a cosmetology program in June. I am at Paul Mitchell the school and I love it
- We moved to Las Vegas in March! for the first time in a very long time Dan and I have a home base of our own.
- I finally live near my sister!
So here’s the brass tacks of my diet fitness plan at the moment. Due to stomach problems and various other issues, I’ve decided to restart the ketogenic diet. I’ve gone back and forth on this over the last year. For ethical reasons I have a hard time not being vegan but over and over again I’ve been getting sick. So I started today with the Keto diet again. and for fitness I’m running every day. Thats it, two things to start with. I have a half marathon plan that I’ll loosely follow but my schedule is super busy and trying to over commit to fitness has been biting me in the ass. So the plan is to find a way to run every day of august even if that means squeezing in a 20 minute run. I like to do abs a few times a week and I’m welcome to do anything extra but its not planned. I just have to run everyday. for now, this will evolve but I need to start with super manageable. There you have it! It’s good to be back. But now I have to run off to a rehearsal….
I’m back into running and it’s feeling so good! 4 out of the 5 days past where spent running (that one was a rest day and I was jonesing to run but knew I had to follow my plan and take the day off – I did however go for a long walk) and I’m loving it. The one thing I’m facing is extreme tightness in my lower back, hamstring and hip. I’ve always had tight hamstrings and calves and running exacerbates that, so I have to stretch them out all the time. But I’m a naturally flexible person and I’ve done a lot of work to preserve and further my back, groin, neck and shoulder flexibility. I’ve never before had the pain in my lower back that I’ve been experiencing the last 3 days. At first I thought I was just tight from running again. But I’m even getting headaches and when I stretch my neck it hurts into my lower back and hip. I did yoga yesterday and I wasn’t able to do plough pose…that pose is usually like childs pose for me. Pain shot through to my eye. I thought maybe my shoes are not good for running outside for me – they’re minimal, a Vibram/Nike fusion called New Balance Minimus Zero Trail. I’ve never had lower back pain from running. Even after stretching I’ve been hurting. So yesterday I ran in different shoes, totally not running shoes though, they were Nike high tops like these. You see, I’m not a real runner (yet?), I’m an amateur trying things out. I’ve never really “trained”, never had a coach. I pretty much just go outside or on a treadmill and run-er, jog if you’re technical. Pretty sure I’m slow as. I’ve never worked on pacing or stride or strategy. Hell, I don’t even bring water or gels. So I’m not really that in the know. I just feel like if barefoot, underfed kids in Kenya can run for fun and be awesome, I can run in any shoes and eat like the privileged American I am and do just fine. But something has been hurting my back and I’m not 19 anymore. I’m really lucky to be 31 and still have a dancing career. I perform with people 10-12 years younger then me and I keep up – but the secret is that I’ve been doing maintenance work on my body since I was 10 years old – conditioning, classes, strength training, massages, careful nutrition. It’s more necessary now then it was then.
Well, it could be the shoes, but I ran in the New Balance shoes again today and then took the time to stretch out my legs, back, calves and hips afterward. I noticed that sickling my right foot caused a stretch from my ankle, to my hip, to my back and if I sickled my foot and tucked my chin to my chest that stretch was painful from my left eye, down my back, hip to right ankle. It’s the broken ankle. Why didn’t I think of that? The physio had told me I’d need to stretch MORE in that are when I started running again. I keep forgetting that I had an injury and so it requires extra attention.
However, all of that said, it feels really good to get back into the running swing, so to speak. I’m addicted to my time jogging outside and also to listening to audiobooks. I used to solely listen to music to run, I felt like I had to be distracted to keep going. But I like the silences and pauses listening to books offers and also the engaging of my thoughts. I’ve already ploughed through 2 books and started a third in just a week. My running has all of a sudden gotten more expensive…
Here’s some of my running views…
The shoes in question. They’re just so light and easy to pack!
Yesterday I finally got a great run in. It’s been a bit harder then I imagined to get back into running fitness after several months off due to my ankle and then transitions from the ship to the holidays in Australia. There’s been really hot days (115 F) and then the fires kept me from running until finally Saturday I went for an amazing hour run and I realised I miss training for a race so I’m looking over a few programs to follow loosely. I followed that up with a body balance class this morning with the MIL and a 30 minute run where I pushed my pace a bit. I’m finding that my favourite thing to do is find out where everyone is meeting and plan to run to them! I’ve done it 3 times since I’ve been here and it rocks! I run, literally, for coffee as usually we’re meeting for coffee. Although yesterday I ran to the gym where MIL workout so we could go see a Traditional Chinese medicine doc together. Then we had coffee🙂
The TCM took my pulse, looked at my tongue and asked me some questions. Then he gave me some pills that are all herbal. We’ll see what they do for me! My MIL got given a tea to drink every morning.
Today however, is one of my favourite days of the week! After my workouts this morning, we had coffee with friends and family at The Jolly miller. Later on we’ll all head into the city for a walk around. My FIL took me to his meditation class last week and we’re doing it again today! Then dinner in the city. I’m spoiled🙂 I’m soaking up all the family time I can!
as far as my dilemmas go with nutrition, I’ve made an important decision and one I’ll have to remind myself of often – I’m stepping away from it and focusing on training only. I know fuelling your training is important, but my “diet” has been a huge source of stress and I’m always changing things and chasing that one diet that one time that made me the skinniest. I’ve read Intuitive Eating and I’m rereading it. Every. Day. I want to think of training harder because I don’t think I’ve achieved anything fitness wise over the past few years except to stay basically fit and within the same 8lbs. That’s not very inspiring. and I love running and I need to feel flexible for our upcoming shows.
So, I’m eating – usually what people would call healthy foods-when I’m hungry without judging. And I’m focusing on running. I’ve never gained intensity, I like to keep a comfortable (slow) pace and increase how long I spend running. But it’s time to get faster, push speeds, train hills and repeats and do some fartleks. Perhaps to do a race before I get back on a boat? Abs and yoga and SHORT bodyweight circuits will be thrown in when necessary.
That’s my update. I’m going to go meditate on detaching from outcomes….
The vegan issue for me has been a big one. And i’ve kind of candy coated my waffling back and forth. Being vegan has always felt to me like the best way to live. I like to live gently in all aspects of my life and were I not having continuously worsening health issues, I never would have looked into changing. But I know it’s frustrating for Dan that over the past year and a half I’ve gone back and forth between vegan, raw vegan (very difficult living on a cruise ship for me. I ate waaaaay too much dried fruit), vegetarian and ketogenic. And it’s frustrating for me. I really respect a person who lives by their beliefs and how could I respect myself when beliefs felt uncertain.
After Christmas I ate vegan again for 9 days. Those 9 days found me painfully clutching my stomach, bloated, on the toilet most of the time. But I had more energy for running. I was constantly hungry and conflicted and craving sugar. And then I went back to strict ketogenic and everything disappeared – no stomach pains, no bloating, consistent energy and decreased sugar cravings. Instantly.
Is there a middle ground? How do I justify eating animals?
I’ve been reading a lot of other peoples experiences vegan and non. Here are some that I was surprised to find about very devout vegans developing health problems that forced them away from veganism.
and heaps more articles. There’s just as many on both sides of the spectrum, but since this is the side I’m struggling with I’m reading these first.
Have you seen this TED talk by Lizzie Velasquez? It’s like duh, but also a great reminder on perspective. So this is the focus to have in life. What defines me? Ironically, since I’m referencing this talk by the woman who physically cannot gain weight, if you were to examine the contents of my thoughts and my blog and my activities I define myself by how much I weigh and how big my arms look in pictures. That’s not what I want. Other things define me as well, but really what has defined me to ME has been how fat or thin I feel.
And now that that’s not true… what defines me?
it’s 10 minutes to 6am… Dan and I have been up all night. For. No. Reason. We watched Downton Abbey until 1:30am, then packed up, got in bed, checked our emails and shut it down. We proceeded to toss and turn for over an hour. Then a mosquito was heard quite loudly hovering around our faces. Then I couldn’t even begin to feel sleepy and took my computer into the bathroom. Little did I know Dan was still wide away. 4:45, I came back in to find him sitting up, lights on, computer fired up. LOL!!! I totally have a partner in every way. We’re ridiculous, but I love it!
I’m so inspired today!
After battling whatever this virus/hayfever/bacterial infection is for 3 weeks I finally went to a walk in clinic yesterday, admitted defeat, paid the man and got antibiotics for a sinus infection. I am so against MY taking antibiotics (this is a personal belief not a general for all mankind) or medicine unless its an absolute necessity. Mostly because I’m allergic to many of them and they kill all my good bacteria – and I don’t seem to have much anyway. But I’ve been fighting through a cloud of mucous, unable to breathe or sleep, or function fully. After two doses yesterday I slept through the night and woke up much better.
I went for an amazing 45 minute run to downtown Sunbury, met up with Dan and his Mom and brother for coffee/lunch, bought knitting supplies and got advice from an avid knitter and came home. Then I organised and cleaned our room, balanced my bank account, paid a few bills and now I’m ready to start the next step of our visa paperwork! It’s funny, yesterday I was so fatigued and down and tired of being sick and today I feel amazing, like I really seized the day🙂 Happiness!
Now, good thoughts that the visa snafu gets sorted easier then I’m imagining.
I tend to be a really intense person and I feel like I need to be something amazing every day and it seems to drive me to discontent and anxiety more then achievement and success. So, in this new year, I’ve spent some time breathing through anxiety and focusing on the fact that each day is important, each step is important and in taking them and being alive I am succeeding. I am satisfied with today’s steps forward, today’s happiness, todays achievements.