is my awesome life
I’ll post indepth soon. But here’s a quick update, for the past week I’ve had random people come up to me to compliment how I look. Everything from “wow you’re abs are great” to “hey you’ve lost a lot of weight – how? I’m trying too!”. Ps. I haven’t lost a lot of weight. I’ve lost between 3 and 4lbs. I’ve had a handful of people see my pictures online and write to me about how good I look and I’ve had people stop me in the hall.
I’m floored. This is all I did – I decided I didn’t want to run for a while as I’m tired. I just want to walk some days while reading a book on the treadmill. I decided to take as many rest days as I want and that seems to be 2-3 a week which is 1 or 2 more then usual. I Started doing Visual Impact program but without the cardio. So its just 5 sets of 5 reps/ exercise and a 2 day split. So I do way less abs, and less cardio and less work.
And I decided instead of trying to eat just once a day to slash my calories that I was going to eat as much as I want but try to stay under 50 NET carbs a day. Which I mostly do but somedays I go over, so, whatever. That is it. I don’t eat fruit, grains, corn or soy – I now eat meat, vegetables, cheese, coconut oil, half and half (in my coffee and tea) and lots of dark chocolate, sunflower and pumpkin seeds and even a jar of Sunbutter this week – mixed with coconut oil. I had a few Atkins bars but I’d like to not have to do that. Oh and pork rinds. I don’t monitor calories at all, or how often I eat or how much. This seemed scary but I’ve just had an overwhelming response to how my body looks and after a few weeks of fatigue and insomnia – I now have boundless energy and sleep like a rock.
So – I’m happy and all that energy I spent on diet and exercise to get smaller and feel good for the past…um 22 years (yeah, I’ve been dieting since I was 9) – well, it’s now free to be used on other endeavors. I feel a surge of creativity and I have just been planning and plotting and scheming and writing and hell, whatever I want. I feel good. And I think I’d like to make a blog overhaul…I’ve been thinking about a revamp and a refocus!
*** this is not to say I think I’m perfect or need to stop working out and stuff. Most days I hate my thighs and I’d really like to feel like a runner. I love working on goals, I want to get stronger and more compact. I want to get bendier and more zen. This is just to say, I found that I’d like to live my life and not count what I ingest 24/7… or ever again. I’d like to not diet I’d like to just be
is my awesome life
So I’m getting back into running after my injury and there’s somedays that I start jogging and then bam 40 minutes roll by and push another 20 and I think, bad ass! I just jogged for an hour. There’s days, or a string of many days where the thought of doing more then walking on the treadmill gives me the shakes. Why? I really want to work up my mileage so that when I get to Australia in 3 weeks I can go for some really nice runs outside. So I get myself phsyc’d up but for the past two weeks I’ve done either just long walks, elliptical or 10 minute jogs with long walks after. My legs feel leadened. Today, I warmed up with a 5 minute walk then jogged for 30 minutes. My head wanted to keep jogging my legs decided we’d walk another half hour. I call it a win as 30 minutes is a good run and I can slowly up it from there. But I’m impatient. I know I can push it, and I will keep pushing it, just slowly – an extra 5 -10 minutes then I desire every time. I’m not a competitive runner (professionally) and I run because I enjoy the sweat, the meditative quality of it and the endurance payoff I get (read – shows are easier for me when I’m running regularly). So slow and steady it is but gah! I’m not overworked or overtraining (I’ve done that before) in fact we’re working less then ever and sleeping more!
I’m feeling much better and I’m starting to really get the hang of LCHF. However since I was released from the cruise ship for a few hours and found my way to a Target I bought a few things I know to be naughty. I don’t want to make a habit of eating Atkins bars but I bought 1 box to ration for the next 3 weeks for days I’m DYING For a treat. I also bought a jar of Sunbutter which I knew would take will power I’m not sure I have. Sunbutter has sugar in it and although the carbs are low enough for me to eat it in moderation…almost half the jar is gone as I type this and I had an Atkins bar after dinner. My carbs for the day are under 50 but they are not under 20. But there’s a huge smile on my face, so that’s that. However I have gotten a bit cavalier with my carbohydrates the past three days. I’m going to chalk it up to PMS and state for the record that it must end now ads I’m really enjoying the lightness I’ve been feeling and the ease with which my clothes fit. Those 4lbs I lost needent come back over a jar of delicious seed butter. But I will say sitting with a jar and a spoon while watching a movie with Dan tonight was awesome. I haven’t had any cravings for my normal candies so I’m pretty stoked if when I’m having PMS I can dive into some Sunbutter, 85% Lindt chocolate or the occasional Atkins bar – just as long as it stays occasional. Atkins bars (there’s only 2 I can eat as I’m allergic to nuts) actually contain soy and I need to stay away from that. But for tonight, I’ll consider myself treated and make sure all my treats last me the next 3 weeks while I finish my contract on board – and not the usual 3 days it takes me to blow through stuff. I may have to hide the jar though…
yeah. I had a full blown mental health day yesterday. After grain free godess-ness for the last almost two weeks yesterday I felt like crap. It was the day before my period was supposed to start (I don’t get a period but I do get mood swings, cravings and deep feeling of depression the week I”m on those sugar pills) so I chalk it up to that. But it was awful, I wanted to cry, my stomach hurt, and I had to address some of my demons and fears. I hate how I look in pictures and how I feel inside my body. I feel fat and bulky and ugly and I feel like I failed. I’m glad I lost a few pounds this week due to cutting out grain, soy and most carbs but at what cost? I HATE not being vegan. Yesterday, I even decided to throw in the towel, forget that my IBS is gone, forget that I have no cravings and no bloating and no constipation and my face is clearing up. I decided today when I woke up I could hug animals and be vegan again even if it means I get chubby and live in the bathroom (again).
However, after watching chick flicks in bed, eating a bar and a half of dark chocolate for dinner (while in bed) …side note, the only reason I got myself out of bed yesterday was to go to the gift shop and try to find the darkest chocolate they had available which is not very dark btw. It’s Cadbury’s Royal Dark which I’m pretty sure is 40% dark chocolate at best but it was an emergency. A fact I had to explain to the cashier who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t going to buy this chocolate at the Crew Mart where it would be a bit cheaper “sir, the crew mart will not be open until tomorrow and this is a chocolate emergency”…. and frantically emailing my best friend, I woke up this morning feeling better. Rested and ready to start my morning with a light treadmill walk I happened upstairs and weighed myself finding I’d lost another pound. Another pound. That’s 4 in just over 2 weeks. I had been starving myself and working out like a wierdo to hold onto the same weight for 6 months. Now just cutting out grain, starches, all soy and sugars but eating meat, cheese, half and half, vegetables, seeds and yes, dark chocolate whenever I’m hungry means I’m effortlessly dropping weight? Well, that’s enough to make me stay the course.
I have no cravings today and even though I ate more then 30 carbs yesterday in the form of Cadbury, I feel fine today to just keep on keeping on. So that is what I’ll do. I don’t understand how I can be the most logical woman in the world for weeks and then the world comes crashing down one day and I can’t uncurl myself from around a pillow. Is it hormones? Or is it some darkness inside me that I just stuff down really well? I feel like I can’t be the only one.
In all honesty I do feel conflicted about my new lifestyle. Low Carb High Fat/ketogenic living seems to really be healthy for my body. It’s really soon to make huge conclusions but its enough to keep going and not what happens but ethically, spiritually I don’t want to consume animals. To help me understand other peoples experiences I’ve been reading this site religiously. I even bought her book which I devoured in a day. If you’re interested check it out…http://mariamindbodyhealth.com
This blog is going to seem like a travel log sometimes! I’m not upset about that
We are currently on a repositioning cruise which is 2 weeks long and we’re in the second week. For the last 6 months we’ve been cruising from Boston to Bermuda (except for a one month Canada/New England run that was awesome!) and now, starting a week ago we are “repositioning” to an itinerary that will be Tampa to some Caribbean and Mexican ports. I won’t be doing that long though as I disembark in early December. But that means last week was a few more sea days plus St. Thomas USVI, Antigua and Barbados WI and this week our first stop was Curacao today! I’ve never been to these places and I’m having fun exploring.
I’m also having fun working out at night which is totally different for me. I’m that kind of person that can’t wait to get my workout for the day out of the way so I can feel accomplished and not worry that it won’t happen. But with more chances to sleep in and the opportunity to explore exotic places I’ve found myself going to the gym, well tonight, from 11pm-1am. Hey, it’s better then watching tv until I pass out at 3am! It is a new experience for me though and I like it – no ones in the crew gym and I’m pretty focused. Can’t say it’ll be usual thing but I’ll enjoy it for now. It’s one of the interesting aspects of my career – my personality really craves structure and doesn’t like change but the career and life I’ve chosen requires flexibility and the desire to try new things, different schedules and variety in general.
no not workouts silly – blog posts! Who knew
But I was just ending my day and feeling so happy. I love my job, I got to do some aerial training tonight and I was reading through some facebook posts and was feeling so inspired to just, be happy.
I’m always looking for a way to feel better, be better, eat less, weigh less… But tonight I feel good. My body is very capable and strong even though I’ve been afraid to train it too much. And I’m eating low carbs and high fat for a second week in a row and I’m loving it. I’m FEEDING my body. and in return my IBS is gone, 3lbs are gone, I can feel my anxiety waning. But I’m not measuring, I’m not counting…I’m not starving myself and trying to eat as little as possible. Hell, I had a whole bowl of cubed muenster cheese a few minutes ago as a bedtime snack.
And I feel good. There’s so many people who struggle with daily tasks and me, even though I was exhausted today I did 1hour of intense cardio and then climbed silks 3 times, sat in my over splits for 5 minutes at a time and rolled through some tricks in silks. And that’s basically a rest day for me. Yesterday while having fun (and drinking) I did lifts with friends on the beach and threw a few back handsprings.
Oh, and I’m a 31 year old professional dancer. Who can eat a cup of cheese before bed without panicking that I won’t fit in my costumes.
Yeah, I’m feeling lucky and strong and beautiful today. What more can you ask for?
If you’d like some inspiration from the woman who inspired me today (I actually find her inspiring regularly) do yourself a favour and visit this blog.
Yesterday was a dream day in Barbados! I’d never been there and though I can’t say I did much exploring (we only have a few hours in port) I had a great time. We went to the “Boatyard” which encompassed warm blue waters, white soft sand, cheap rum and (diet)coke, laughter, fun, tan lines, music… what a great day
And last night for the first time in nearly a week I slept! I did my usually fall asleep and wake up after 2 hours and I was really disappointed. Normally that’s the point that end up staring at the ceiling, stretching on the floor or reading in the bathroom until the sun comes up. But last night I went to the bathroom, laid down and after a while of imagining/planning my wedding in my brain, I fell fast asleep and didn’t wake up until 10am. Freaking awesome!
It’s going to be a great day!
I keep losing my way from this blog, but getting pulled back one way or another. On one hand…I’m not sure what to write about. But yet again this week someone has taken the time to write me about reading my blog and so I feel like perhaps it’s something I should be working on. But what about? What am I about anymore?
I do still love fitness but not in the try anything sort of way I used to. I’m tired a lot and working doing something I love (performing) which means that fitness has to fit into that. Most of the things I did before didn’t bring me a better relationship with my body. I often had and still have anxiety over whether I’m going to get to big for my clothes if I do resistance, weights or hell, even bodyweight exercises. I know everyone says women don’t have the hormones but I’ve bulked up to the point of me not feeling good and not wanting to continue so whatever science says it doesn’t pertain to how I personally feel. Which means I’ve been in a constant state of trying to work out in a way to break down my muscle and lose fat. this is exhausting emotionally. All I could think to do was run long distance and do yoga. Which I love both things, so that’s cool. Then I broke my ankle. So running was out for a while. And my weight since leaving Australia has been out of my comfort zone. And I’ve been messing with food idealogies. For a while attempting to do high raw high carb vegan diet, then just cooked food just at night, then when that seemed to puff me up but good, I switched to daily 24 hour ish fasts. Which seemed to drain me. I felt more svelte and like I’d lost weight so the being hungry all day until my night time meal felt worth it for a while. but I was still the same weight for weeks, then months. So why put off eating all day if I’m not going to see a change in my body? So I did a lot of research on what’s going on in my body and it seems that very possibly I’m dealing with a soy intolerance (as vegan me was consuming liters of soymilk a day) and possibly celiac or an intolerance to wheat. Oh and right before this discovery I was cleared to run so I picked running back up..hoooray!
So as of 2 weeks ago I cut out all grains, all starch, all soy. For the first few days I kept fruit and dried fruit in and stayed away from dairy but after researching ketogenics and low carb high fat again, I cut the fruit completely out and started adding cream to my coffee and some cheese.
It’s an adjustment but one I’ve done before. Trying to wrap my mind around not being vegan is the hardest part always. I love ahimsa, I love not killing anything, I love living off or fruits and vegetables and seeds and tofu…emotionally. I feel like I’m clean and pure. But my body….
In the two weeks that I’ve been eating meat, coconut oil, cheese, green veg, seeds and for a while I was still eating dried and fresh fruit – I’ve lost 3lbs (before my weight just would not budge for the last 8 months no matter what I’d do), am no longer constipated or bloated all the time, my sugar cravings have vanished, I eat 3-4 times a day (as apposed to waiting until dinner time). So I’d say it’s a good way I’m going. My one complaint is that I can’t sleep. I am awake ALL THE TIME. But I think, as I had found out before that a ketogenic diet works wonders on my body even though it feels wierd. For lunch today (I had to miss breakfast as we had a boat drill, a meeting and weigh ins and then a rehearsal) I had 2 hamburger patties with cucumber salad and raw celery on the side. That’s like a million calories and so much food for lunch but, it’s what I’ve been eating and if I keep losing a little and feeling good, well then I guess I can’t argue with that.
As for workouts…um, I need a plan. I don’t know if running all the time with the random yoga and ab workout is good enough? sometimes it feels like too much with the shows and aerial rehearsals. I took a complete rest day yesterday but I’m wondering if working out in some form 6 days a week is actually keeping me from losing weight and feeling good. SOmetimes my legs feel fatigued for a week when I don’t do any leg exercises other then just running, elliptical and walking. I avoid weights, lunges and squats like the plague. Should I take a full week off of workouts and see if my body likes the break? I’m considering it, especially since I’ve only got a few weeks left of my contract and when we leave I have ample time to workout. But will I get chubby and unkempt if I don’t work out?
The other thing I”m considering is a 3 day max workout schedule. Give my body more recovery and more down time. Plus we have a few shows so it’s not like I’m not working at all. But a lot of my time in between shows and workouts is sitting reading, walking around leisurely or sitting whilst knitting. So sedentary!
Has anyone had positive changes from working out less? Like 3 days a week max?